From Speaking in Tongues to Speaking Truth: Why I Left the Charismatic Church

Madelein Wolfaardt

My mother’s death broke the spell. After years of prophetic declarations, healing services, and speaking in tongues, I finally saw the charismatic Christian movement for what it was. This is how I learned to distinguish between genuine faith and spiritual manipulation — a journey from blind acceptance to clear-eyed truth.

My journey into charismatic Christianity began gradually. In high school, my family became involved in what’s known as the Word of Faith movement — a branch of Christianity that emphasizes the power of spoken words, divine healing, and direct revelations from God. We attended services where celebrity preachers from overseas promised miracles and healing to thousands. These weren’t ordinary church gatherings; they were theatrical performances complete with people falling over, speaking in tongues, and claiming miraculous healings.

The movement’s influence in my life deepened when my aunt developed her own spiritual doctrine, inspired by these teachings. What started as her interpretation of Word of Faith teachings evolved into something more dangerous — a small but destructive cult that entangled our family.

I have a lot to say on this topic, having known it for so long. I’ll keep it short. I’ll share parts of my journey of why I left the charismatic movement.

Good Intentions

I had the best intentions; I honestly wanted to be more spiritual and please God. I wanted to do the right things and believed this was the way. I believed these preachers were anointed by God, and I could become a prophet or healer. I believed I had the gift of healing because it was prophesied. I believe that most people in this movement have good intentions.

Some are vulnerable or desperate. The healing services prey on desperate people. Anyone with a terminally ill loved one may have witnessed the extent of desperation to find a cure, grabbing at any straw even if it goes against logic.

Spiritual Pride and Arrogance

In these circles, there’s a heavy emphasis on the gifts of the Spirit, as seen in 1 Corinthians 12. Speaking in tongues, prophecy, and healing are marks of spiritual maturity, creating a hierarchy where those with these gifts are viewed as more advanced. I became prideful, believing I was part of an elite group of Christians with access to deeper truths. Looking back, this spiritual elitism was toxic, creating divisions in the church and pushing away those without these experiences.

This alone portrays the opposite of our intended image. If Jesus is the ultimate role model, He never looked down on people but reached out to them in love.

Things didn’t feel right.

Over the years, I’ve felt uncomfortable but couldn’t pinpoint it. I ignored it, thinking it was the devil trying to throw me off track. Things didn’t feel right. I felt trapped and not truly free.

Many uncomfortable things popped up.

Untouchable Church Leaders

Like the questionable actions of our church leaders and famous overseas preachers. In these circles, you can’t question things, especially not the preachers because then you’re questioning the anointed of God. The Bible verse “Touch not mine anointed, and do my prophets no harm” (Psalm 105:15) was wielded like a shield to deflect any criticism or questioning of leadership. Looking back, I see how this selective use of scripture created an environment for unchecked abuse.

Financial Exploitation

Another red flag was financial exploitation. Constant demands for “seed money” and “prosperity offerings” promised hundred-fold returns. Members were pressured to give beyond their means. Sick and dying people deep in medical debt had to pay for their healing miracle. The only profiting were the church leaders.

The prosperity gospel’s message that poverty indicates a lack of faith creates shame in those struggling financially. Meanwhile, pastors drove luxury cars and lived in mansions, justifying their wealth as evidence of God’s blessing. This stark contrast between leadership’s opulence and congregants’ sacrifice became increasingly difficult to ignore.

Double Standards

Does a preacher need a private jet and gold-plated suit buttons? Is it okay to be a highly regarded church leader with a ‘direct line of communication with God,’ but abusive at home? Can you be sinful and manipulative and still be a true spiritual leader? The answer is a resounding “no.”

Blindly Following

The Bible Comes Second

We weren’t encouraged to study the Bible; all emphasis was on the pastors. People blindly follow them. These preachers came up with preposterous ideas and added extras to their doctrines which are accepted by their followers. This means you’re following and idolizing a person, not God.

The Bible warns against false teachers and stresses testing every spirit. Yet in these charismatic circles, questioning or fact-checking is labeled as “lacking faith” or being “rebellious.” Members are discouraged from independent Bible study, as all interpretation must come through leadership. This creates a dependency where personal discernment is replaced by blind obedience, leading believers away from authentic faith into a system of control and manipulation.

Experience Trumps Truth

People in this movement would rather believe the preacher’s words and their own experiences than the Bible. I’ve seen this numerous times, showing people that their beliefs contrast with the Word of God. They answer “But I felt it, I experienced it and you won’t convince me otherwise.” This means they reject the Bible as the final authority.

If you feel something, it doesn’t mean it’s true or of God. Emotions can be manipulated, and many world religions share similar experiences like falling over, trances, visions, laughing fits, and speaking unknown languages. Are these then truly the work of the Holy Spirit?

These manifestations are common in occult practices, Eastern religions, and secular group hypnosis. The real test is whether these experiences align with biblical truth and produce genuine spiritual fruit.

Chasing the Supernatural

Many followers become so focused on chasing supernatural experiences that they neglect foundational aspects of faith — love, humility, and service to others. True spirituality isn’t about spectacular displays but about Christ-like character and obedience to God’s Word.

We were always chasing the next high. It didn’t last long. There were no real changes in my life from my spiritual experiences at these revival services. It’s all superficial.

Feeling Trumps Thinking

A massive amount of attention is placed on feeling. It trumps thinking. Don’t try being logical. Just have faith. This is another way for preachers to gain control and manipulate people. When emotions override rational thought, manipulative leaders exploit the vulnerable.

They discourage critical thinking, labeling it as “doubt” or “unbelief.” This creates an environment where followers depend on their leaders for spiritual guidance, unable to discern truth from falsehood. The Bible encourages us to “test everything” (1 Thessalonians 5:21) and to be like the Bereans who examined the scriptures daily to verify what they were taught.

God told me…

Another thing that happens in these circles is that the pastor or a random person would come up to you and say “God told me to tell you…” Well, if He told you, who am I to disagree?

This went far and wrecked lives. I know couples who married because “God told” the pastor or a church member they were meant to be together or needed to quit their job to become missionaries, have a child, etc. People followed blindly to not miss or reject God’s plan for their lives, and it ended badly for many.

It’s Your Fault

If things ended badly, like the couples I mentioned, it was their fault. They didn’t follow God’s plan or have faith. The person who said “God told me…” is never in question. The false prophet whose prophecy didn’t come true is never in question; there’s always an excuse.

Those who didn’t speak in tongues or fall over during prayer were too logical and not ‘spiritual enough’. They lacked faith.

If you’re not healed at a healing service, it’s said you lacked faith or didn’t donate enough. You’re not healed due to sin, implying illness is a punishment from God. This distorts the view of God and creates unnecessary guilt and shame. This toxic theology suggests His love and healing depend on our performance or financial giving, not grace and mercy.

This pattern of blame-shifting creates a toxic cycle where followers doubt themselves instead of questioning their leaders. When prayers go unanswered or prophecies fail, members are told they lack faith or harbor secret sin. This manipulative tactic keeps people trapped in a perpetual state of spiritual inadequacy, always striving to prove their worth while leaders remain unaccountable for their failed predictions and harmful guidance.

The Final Push

My mother was diagnosed with aggressive, fast-progressing cancer. The doctor’s reports and her reaction to the chemo showed she didn’t have long to live. But some church prophecies said she would live, and it would be a big testimony of God’s power. My family desperately held onto this promise, ignoring reality because acknowledging it would show we lacked faith in her healing. I didn’t want to be the cause of her death.

Staying in complete denial robbed us of precious time to say goodbye and make peace with the situation. Instead of meaningful conversations and cherishing our final moments together, we insisted on her healing until the end. When she passed away, the church leaders quickly shifted the narrative. This devastating experience opened my eyes to the manipulative nature of these teachings.

Many people visited to pray for her healing, but it never worked. The reason was apparently her lack of faith, sin in her life, or maybe our lack of faith, or the pray’er’s lack of healing gift or faith. “Sigh.”

Eight months later, my mom died. The church held a meeting to explain why their prophecies and healing prayers failed. These self-proclaimed prophets, who spoke directly with God and had the ‘gift of healing,’ had to save face. I never went. That was the final straw. I knew something was horribly wrong and didn’t want any part of it. I was hurt and blamed God. I never went back to any church.

I heard that the excuse for her not being healed was that my mother died, went to heaven, met God, and chose to stay instead of being healed. What a convenient lie! I’m flabbergasted by the lengths these so-called prophets would go to. I didn’t fall for that.

The manipulation and delusion went so deep that some people went to the funeral home to pray for my mother to be raised from the dead. It sounds insane now, looking back.

Distance Brings Perspective

The best decision I made was to be away from the church. The longer I was away from the church, the people, and that environment, the more perspective I gained on everything. I realized how blind I was and the massive impact it had on my life.

The death of my mother made me realize I was misled, showing how manipulated I was. Now, I see how these practices affected me and countless others. The psychological damage runs deep, creating lasting trust issues. I have noticed that people caught in a cult easily fall for the next thing that leads them astray.

There’s hope in healing and finding authentic spirituality outside these toxic environments. Breaking free allowed me to rebuild my faith on a healthier foundation.

The big problem for me now was realizing and accepting that I needed to forget everything I’d learned and start over. Religion was the biggest part of my life, so accepting this means I wasted an immense amount of time on nonsense. This was a bitter pill to swallow, that none of it meant anything. But I wanted to move forward and put this behind me, so I did whatever it took.

Making Sense of It All

I had to forgive those involved and move on. It’s pointless to build on the faulty foundation. I needed to put everything behind me.

This was one of the most difficult times in my life. I had to deal with my mother’s death and the fact that something significant in my life was a lie. I delved into finding the truth, reading, and researching.

I read John MacArthur’s book Charismatic Chaos, which helped me see the reality. It’s not about God or helping people, but money. It’s not the Holy Spirit at work; it’s a business, a show, and manipulation of emotions and group dynamics.

Another great read is an old booklet by Alfred H. Pohl called 17 Reasons Why I Left the Tongues Movement. It’s non-confrontational and very clear.

I found a great YouTube testimony by Costi Hinn, Benny Hinn’s nephew. Who better to hear the truth from than someone involved in the movement and the Hinn family? He saw everything firsthand and is open and frank in this testimony.

I read a lot. There are countless articles on this subject to help you understand and find the truth.

Wipe the slate clean.

It is different for everybody, but I needed to understand to move forward. Educating myself helped me avoid traps. I’ve seen people leave sects, cults, or the Word of Faith movement but eventually return or revert to some of the doctrines.

It’s human nature to return to what’s familiar. It would be best if you lay a new foundation. That’s why it’s important to wipe the slate clean and start over. See it as the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

In conclusion

First, I blamed God for not keeping His promises. Then I realized it was people who failed me, so I had to forgive them. Then I was angry with myself for being gullible, and I had to move past that and be understanding toward myself. It was no small feat to get through this and be a better person for it. This has not been an easy journey. I had to put in a lot of effort and time to get here. But I’m proof it can be done.

Now, looking back, I appreciate the growth from this challenging experience. It taught me to think critically, question authority, and trust my instincts. The healing journey continues, and I’ve found peace in knowing that authentic spirituality doesn’t require manipulation or grand spectacles. Today, I focus on genuine connections, personal growth, and helping others struggling with similar faith experiences.